I realized my latent superpower of making things weird isn’t quite so latent. I still charge forward blindly without cause for alarm, don’t move fast enough to get the right words from my brain to my mouth before I release a torrent of words from my gut that make the room go still and I’m back to the place where I accidentally (35-years-old and I still have to retype accidentally every single time so that it doesn’t show up as “accidently.”) pick a fruit before it’s ripe or deflate a story idea before I write it down.

Because I haven’t had access to my essential self in awhile, I forgot that my essential self has the patience of a newborn and am clearly still hooked on the high of immediacy. Show me NOW. Do it NOW. Let’s go NOW. I want everything NOW.

Which is weird that I’m even thinking things are weird, because they’re not weird. I’m just so fucking awkward sometimes. Unless they are weird and I just don’t realize how weird, weird is. I need to remember that my normal is not your normal, and not your normal, and not your normal, either. And I need to remember not to close off my open valve, especially before I see what comes out of it, because that’s going against everything that means anything to me.

Jump. Then justify.
Jump. Then justify.
Jump. Then justify.

Just try not to burn out the fight before the glory.