So I have to imagine it’s the pills that are giving me terrible dreams. Two nights in a row I’ve gone to bed itchy and anxious and have jerked myself out of sleep by screaming or punching or tossed myself fitfully on the wrong side of my head.
The night before last I dreamed I was at an Army post helping this girl take off her fake eyelashes and wasn’t supposed to be there and she started screaming at us to GTFU because they were coming and I had to put pants on and when I was walking away from the camper I passed this one guy who said, “I mightabe outta vodka but Ima gonna smother you anyway” and another who said, “Don’t be telling that ona your cellular phone, now” — as I reaching for it, worried about Daniel and eyelash girl and then the third guy came and wiped blood off of his knife and I realized he killed them and was about to kill me and I was absolutely frozen in place. Until I smacked Daniel in the face screaming for help. (poor, poor Daniel!)
This was followed by a nightmare where I went out with Lance Armstrong and ended up in a food fight with tater tots and ketchup and me and my sisters dressed in hideous 90s floral print dresses.
The weirdest part about this was before I went to sleep I saw my Grandmother (the one who didn’t like me) who was watching me on my bed close my eyes and holding a remote control with a smirk of satisfaction on her face, like she was doing it.
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Anyway, so I woke up from that yesterday, dealt with Hobbs and I think the culmination of the two made me have the worst day since I got out the hospital. I was a zombie most of the day — in so much pain and exhausted. My niece came in from San Marcos to watch over me and I’m so grateful because truly? I couldn’t be on my own. I was an absolute wreck. I hated admitting that. But I was such a sad sight.
And then I had to take another swipe at a shower (something I still can not manage on my own) and the shower curtain fell in on me (not my head, though, whew!) and the wound hurt so bad and OMG DRAMZ I was shaking and bawling and it was just too damn much. (Again, poor, poor Daniel!)
My mother is coming up today and will stay through the weekend so that she can take care of me and let Daniel get back to work and I don’t care how old you are — when you’re sick like I am, all you want is your Mamma. I need this and I’m so happy she’s coming.
More bad dreams last night. Here’s hoping I can get out of the house today and try walking around the garden again. I have to keep moving forward. Left foot, right foot.
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This will be one of two posts today. I’m not going to spend all my time blogging if I’m going to spend it bitching.
(Speaking of blogging, anyone catch Heather Armstrong (dooce.com) on OPRAH yesterday? She’s going to be at Book People tomorrow night and I WISH I WERE THERE!)
Yeesh…scary stuff! I used to suffer from recurring nightmares and there is very little that feels LESS restful and MORE awful than waking yourself up screaming…add extreme pain and I can only imagine how rough yesterday must have been. I’m sorry.
All day I was tired! All day!
gah!
so sorry sugar.
I am the queen of the fucked up dreams…
had nightmares most of my life.
They get worse when i am stressed out.
I know the whole “having to have people take care of you” thing is making you nutso.
You are so strong and independent normally.
But…shit ain’t normal right now.
Having Mom there will be nice.
I hope she makes your favorite food and babies the hell out of you.
left foot
right foot
You are gonna be fine.
love you
Yeahs. She’s been here for like, 5 hours and I’m so happy.
🙂
love you!
MOMMY! makes it all BETTER!
No I didn’t see dooce on Oprah. Now I gotta find the rerun.
Sorry about the crazy dreams although it would be expected. Oww poor head. 🙁
her accent always throws me off. always. it’s hard to reconcile her voice in my head with her voice in her mouth.
I’ve never heard her speak before. I bet I have the same problem.
Dude, you so will. The accent, man, the accent.
All day I was tired! All day!
gah!
Yeahs. She’s been here for like, 5 hours and I’m so happy.
🙂
love you!
her accent always throws me off. always. it’s hard to reconcile her voice in my head with her voice in her mouth.
Nightmares are the worst. Not only is glorious sleep interrupted, but then it’s hard to get back to sleep and then you are mad because you can’t get back to sleep and because you got woken up in the first place.
I don’t know if that made any sense!
Have you tried a dream catcher? (even though it’s probably the narcos that make you dream crazy/scary/woah dreams) Also, manzanilla (or chamomile) is a pretty awesome sleep aid.
There’s nothing on Earth like a mother’s TLC. Mami always told me we have bad days to appreciate the good days, because if we don’t remember what it’s like to feel bad, how can we ever remember what it’s like to feel good? (sounds WAY more poetic and wise in Spanish, though!)
It’s definitely the pills. I’ve been on strong narcs now for a week and I tried to self-ween but I think I knocked off the levels and that’s what’s making me all dream weird. Hate it. If it’s still like this in a few days, I’m going to quit the meds altogether.
(look at me talking all big, like I’m some tough shit!)
Chamomile. This will go on my husband’s list tomorrow. Thank you!
(And word upon word re: Mami’s TLC.)
You take those meds as long as you need them! You head *was* cut open…The fact that you are blogging less than a week later, and making your friends crack up @ a projectile-vomit cat is amazing.
Now go eat some migas, put your feet up, and watch some soaps. Just not the Spanish novelas—those may give you worse nightmares!