I’m still alive.

Every time I’ve wanted to stop and write about this crazy, amazing life change, I’ve been overwhelmed by the sheer breadth of what I have to say.

It’s been the hardest, most gut-wrenching experience. I’ve scared myself with very dark thoughts and second-guesses, especially in the early days. I didn’t want to share them because I didn’t want to make them real.

It’s also been incredibly magical. Every single cliche about parenting has been 100% right. As nauseating as that is, it’s totally true. I’m in a love stronger than I’ve ever imagined. I’m constantly in awe.

Because both of those viewpoints swung back and forth so fiercely with my hormones, I’ve been hard pressed to jump back into writing about it. But I think I’m back now. I feel better. Stronger. Less likely to drive away in the middle of the night. (Kidding. But now I get why they make new moms wait six weeks to drive anywhere. It’s for the fear you won’t come back!)

Six weeks, tomorrow. Phew.